


Thistle

by orphan_account



Series: Kakashi x Ame [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, F/M, First Love, Hatake - Freeform, Kakashi - Freeform, Ninja, Nomad, Sequel, naruto - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 11:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17866604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kakashi and Ame been together for nine years, but when a ghost from her past returns, she will question the life she's built in Kohona and her role within it. A sequel to Belonging. This story takes place at the beginning of the Naruto series.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Ame Shinrinyoku watched the lotuses bobbing in the small waves of the pond. They brought with them an old, familiar ache and she looked down at the faint remnants of the lotuses that had been tattooed on the backs of her hands when she'd been a teenager.  _You're pushing thirty now_ , a small voice in her mind reminded her as she looked at burn scars that had erased most of the tattoos and left pitted, lumpy flesh in their place.  _It's past time to move past your insecurities._

"You are looking entirely too pensive for a day off," her boyfriend, Kakashi Hatake, said as he leaned over and picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder despite her protests.

"I swear, Kakashi, if you do what I think you're going to do, I'm never going to forgive you!" She shouted as he picked her tiny frame up above his head.

"I can live with that," he said with a smirk as he twirled and threw her out over the water.

For a second she thought of focusing the chakra in her feet and landing on the water's surface just to show him, but then she thought that maybe he was right. Rolling in the air, she straightened into a swan dive and slipped gracefully into the cool, clear water.

She dove deep, scaring fish and relishing the feeling of the water against her skin before she righted herself and began swimming for the surface. Breaking the water with a gasp, she pushed her long dark hair out of her face and spun around until her eyes locked on Kakashi who was doubled over laughing at her on the shoreline.

Shaking her head, she had to give a small chuckle herself. Twenty-six years old and he still acted like a kid with her. She swam back to shore to meet him. Climbing rather ungracefully out of the shallows, she rung her yakata out as she went. "You are the worst," she said with a playful smile as she walked past him.

"But you love me," he sing-songed.

"For the life of me, some days I don't know why," she said with a grin as she reached around his waist and pressed her soaking clothes against him. He looked down at her with mock horror and she gave a snorting laugh. "Maybe it's that face."

"Well, you know, now we'll just both have to take our clothes off," he said with a sigh.

"I can live with that."

His rough hands slid down her neck, trailing until they came to her waist. Slowly he brought them around her, untying her obi as he kissed her lips. "You," he kissed her cheek. "Are," his lips trailed down her jaw. "Absolutely," he nibbed at her neck. "Delicious," he sucked on her collar bone.

Her hands were under his shirt, her fingers tracing the familiar battle scars as she lifted the slightly soggy garment up, sliding it up over his head. His pale skin glistened in the early summer sun. As he slid her dress down and let it fall to the grass, she pressed herself against him. "If you can talk that much, your mouth isn't doing its job," she teased as her fingers danced their way down his naked chest, rubbing lovingly against his manhood that was straining against his pants.

She loved their days off together.

ooooooooooooooooooooo

Four hours later, she lay on his chest, basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking as the sun dipped down into the forest. Kakashi took her hand in his, raising her fingers to his lips and kissing them softly. "You know," he said. "I never thought lotuses suited you anyway."

She lifted her head slightly so that she was looking into his mismatched eyes. After the first day he'd discovered her wounds, he'd never asked her about them again, and rarely made mention of their origin. She did the same for the long, angry scar over his left eye. She knew what had happened, but they didn't talk about it. It was an unspoken rule that governed their long relationship, but now he was breaking it and she listened carefully.

"You're not like a lotus," he said, "you're like a thistle." His finger pointed to the tall, violently pink flower that was standing tall and proud, its thorns daring anyone to touch it. "You're beautiful, but you can take care of yourself. You don't need protected waters. You adapt to any environment. You travel on the wind and set roots wherever it pleases you. Oh, and you pack a whole lot of mean if someone messes with you," he added with a chuckle.

She couldn't help smiling at him as she lay her head back down and looked at the weed with new appreciation as her fingers danced over his abs. He loved her and she loved him. Despite their scars and their pasts, or maybe because of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Ame tied the obi as she examined her reflection in the mirror. "Beautiful as always," Kakashi said as he leaned over and kissed her cheek while he slipped on his vest.

"You promise you won't make your mind up this afternoon, right?" she said, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

Feigning offense he said, "I never make up my mind after the inspections."

"Pfft, sure you don't," Ame said. "You may fool the hokage and you may even fool yourself, but you don't fool me. I know you, Kakashi-kun."

"This is important," he said. "Too important to just give anyone a pass."

She gave him a flat look as she turned around.

"Teamwork is vital," he said, his expression growing somber to impart the absolute sincerity of his believes on that matter.

"Please keep in mind that they were just put on a team together yesterday," she said. "Some of them barely know each other."

"How many times have you been partnered with someone you barely know?"

She shook her head. "We're at peace. No one is going to send them on an S-class mission their first week. Just promise me you won't make up your mind today. Please."

He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Fine," he said.

"And if I'm not home tomorrow, you will leave Icha Icha at home." She crossed her arms, glaring at him.

"But it reminds me of you," he whined.

"Leave. It. At. Home."

"You are no fun," he said.

She rolled her eyes, gathering her vials of poisons and drugs as she slid them into the secret pocket in her obi. Going to the closet, she drew out her old tent scroll and put it on her back. Checking her reflection in the full length mirror again, she grinned at herself.

"I'll see you later," she said, tiptoeing up to kiss his lips, but when she went to walk away, he gently pulled her back.

"Be safe out there," he whispered into her hair as he leaned his head on top of hers. "I don't like it when you go solo."

"I'm not actually solo," she said. "ANBU is always nearby."

"You know what I mean," he said softly.

She knew exactly what he meant and it broke her heart, but she wasn't a powerful kunoichi in the traditional sense of the word. Her strengths were in her deceptions, the illusions she wove to entrap her enemies and drain both their chakra and their information. In that, she was a useful tool in the hokage's arsenal.

She leaned her head to face him, tiptoeing so that her nose was touching his. "I am yours," she said softly. "No illusion compares."

He nodded, closing his eyes as he held her for a few moments more. "I love you too," he said, with a quick peck on her crimson lips. "Just be careful, okay."

"I'm always careful," she said with a wink as she turned on her bare feet and walked away.

Leaning against the front door frame, he watched her as she walked down their street. At barely five feet tall, from behind she could have been mistaken for a child, save the way she walked, her hips sashaying ever so slightly. Many of her missions called for her to don the garb and customs of the nomads she'd grown up with, with bare feet and a conservative yakata, her hair pulled back in a loose bun.

Before she turned the corner, she looked back, blowing him a kiss that made his heart skip a beat. He'd met her when he was six and she was nine. She'd been the playful to his serious, the messy to his neat, and little by little she'd won him over without even trying to. Ame was gifted that way, which was why these missions stung.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

It didn't take long to get to the camp where the rogues had been spotted. Normally ANBU would have simply went in and eliminated them, but it seemed they were part of a larger organization, and it was Ame's job to gather as much information as possible.

Walking along the road, she sensed two men nearby, and knew their eyes were on her, but she walked calmly, whistling to herself. They dropped from the branches above and she forced herself to jump and give a little gasp. "Please," she begged with her hands to her mouth. "Please don't hurt me. I'll do anything." She made her eyes wide as she looked up helplessly at the rogue ninjas before her.

The taller one chuckled lewdly as he elbowed his partner. "Hear that, this nomad'll do anything."

His partner was a silent man, mid-forties, if Ame guessed right. He looked her up and down as if she were a horse at auction. "How long ago were you banished?" he asked in a low voice.

She put her hands behind her back as if she didn't mean for them to see them. "I-I've been alone a year," she lied smoothly. "I don't have much money..."

The silent man turned to his partner. "Get back to your post."

"Aw, man, I don't take orders from you!"

"I said get back."

"I'm the one that spotted her first!"

Faster than most people could see, the older man threw a kunai that struck his companion in the temple. As the corpse hit the road the older man turned back to her. "A year, you say?" His voice was unaffected by the life he'd just taken.

Pretending to be scared, Ame nodded, tears streaming down her face as she stared at the dead man. The older man took the bait, walking towards her. She pulled away, but he grabbed her wrist as he pressed himself against her. "Don't be scared," he whispered in her ear. "You need someone to take care of you. Protect you from men like him."

She looked at him, slowly allowing the false fear to drain from her expression and false hope to take its place. "You would... care for me?"

A rough hand that smelled of smoke brushed the tears off her cheeks. "I'll take care of you, if you take care of me," he whispered, taking her hand and moving it to his crouch.

"I can do that," she said softly, her eyes looking up at him innocently. As she tiptoed up, her lips met his. His mouth was hungry against hers, but thankfully the toxin in her lipstick worked quickly. The desensitization to nerve toxin was one of the first things she'd been trained for as a kunoichi. His body went limp and he crumbled to the forest floor. With a set of quick hand signs, she put an illusion on his mind that would put a harem girl to shame then sat back and probed his mind as all his nerves went into overdrive and his chakra drained away.

A half hour later, she had more information than the torturers may have gathered in a week. He was barely hanging on when she released him into ANBU custody. They would kill him and study the body. No blood was on her hands.


	3. Chapter 3

Ame tiptoed and ran her finger over Kakashi's brow with an amused look on her face. "Why do you have chalk dust in your hair?" She held her hand out so he could see the white powder.

He rolled his eyes. "They put Naruto on my team," he said.

With a happy squeal, Ame clapped her hands together. "Kushina's Naruto?! Is he anything like her? Or Minato?"

"He's an obnoxious, hyperactive knucklehead," Kakashi said flatly.

Ame made an exasperated huff as she turned from him and went back to preparing supper. "What do you expect?" she asked as she tossed a scrap of meat to Guruko, her favorite of Kakashi's ninken. "He was raised without a family. I never understood the hokage's objections; I wonder why he changed his mind..."

He didn't have to see her face to know her eyes were watering. She had understood when they sent him to a wet nurse, but when he'd been weaned and was sent to the children's home until he started the Academy Ame had asked the hokage permission to take the boy into their home. He had not only rejected her offer, but demanded that both she and Kakashi were to have no interactions with the boy.

"He's grown now," Kakashi said. "I'm sure the hokage had his reasons."

"But everyone was so mean to him. He needed a family. Maybe he wouldn't have turned out to be so knuckle-headed if he'd have had one."

"And maybe he'll grown into a stronger man for not having one," Kakashi said with a sigh as he scrubbed his fingers through his dusty hair. "Although, honestly, I'm not seeing it right now."

"So." Ame put the lid on the pot and turned towards him. "Can I watch the bell test tomorrow?"

"From the shadows."

Ame pouted.

"I know you, and you are not impartial. You can go and watch if you stay hidden and quiet. Deal?"

Folding her arms, she nodded. "So who else is on the team?"

"Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno."

"The last Uchiha? You've got the last Uchiha and Kushina-san's baby on your team?"

"None of them are babies, Ame," Kakashi chuckled as he pulled the plates down and starting setting the table.

"And I know Sakura. She's a sweetheart. If you fail these three, I'm never speaking to you again. You do realize that?"

Kakashi cocked an eyebrow. "So you're wanting me to allow three under-skilled, under-trained punk kids get themselves killed because you like them?"

Ame rolled her eyes as she set the pot in the middle of the table. "When was the last time genin had a mission more difficult than rescuing cats and cleaning up garbage? You've got years to train them." As soon as the words were out of her mouth she flinched. A look in his eyes told her that she wasn't taking this as seriously as she should have. He understood the weight of going into battle before you should have more than she did. The red sharingan eye was testament to that.

"What if another war breaks out?"

"Then they would have been better off for having you as a teacher."

"Do you know how much I hate teaching?"

Memories of the years he spent training her when they were children went through her mind and Ame chuckled. "I remember, but I'm sure it helps when your students aren't older than you."

"I never understood why the hokage didn't just give you this job. You actually like kids," he said as he served his plate.

Her mirth drained away. I have a pretty good idea, she thought. There would come a day, when she was too old to do a decent transformation jutsu to hide her age, that she'd have to pass her particular skill set on to another young woman, but it wasn't something she'd get a team for. ANBU backed her up, but she worked alone.

She ate in silence watching the moon rise slowly over the hokage faces carved into the great cliff. Minato wouldn't have wanted his son growing up without a family, she thought. For as much as she respected and obeyed the third hokage, she would never forgive him for handing Naruto the life he had.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Her eyelids fluttered open in their darkened bedroom. The alarm clock by the bed read 4:30. Leaning over, she kissed Kakashi's lips. "Hey," she said softly, "what time do you need to be there again?"

"Not until seven," he muttered.

"Is that seven your time or seven the rest of the world's time?"

He groaned as he pulled her closer to him, cuddling her like an oversized teddy bear. "Go back to sleep."

"It's four-thirty," she chuckled. "If you're just going to sleep in, I'm going for a run."

As she tried to get up he pulled her back down, kissing her lips. "I don't have to leave before six." His sleep rasped voice whispered seductively.

"Six?" She pouted.

"Six-thirty?"

She waivered.

"Six-forty-five?"

"That would make you late."

"I can live with that."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

In the treeline, she watched as the three new genin tried to capture the bell. She could see what Kakashi meant about Naruto; he seemed to run completely on impulse. Whatever entered his brain, he did. Meanwhile Sasuke reminded her of a dark haired version of Kakashi when he had been that age. He was calculating and proficient. As his fingers touched the bell, her breath stopped for a moment, praying he would grab them. Perhaps, maybe, they would pass then.

But then everything started to go south. Naruto let his appetite get him into trouble. Sakura only seemed to be worried about Sasuke's well-being, and Sasuke, himself, even managed to get buried just before the time ran out. Ame groaned as the timer rang. Maybe Kakashi was right, they probably could use a year or so more at the academy.

There was one more opportunity for them, though, she knew. He allowed Sasuke and Sakura to eat lunch, giving them specific instructions that if they were to share with Naruto, they would fail. When he walked back into the woods, Ame dropped down from a tree.

"Do you see what I mean?" He looked over his shoulder at the three young ninja.

"Yeah," she said reluctantly, "but I still think it's a lot to expect perfect teamwork out of people who aren't used to that yet and who don't know each other."

"I'm not looking for perfect teamwork, just a spark that it could be developed."

Her eyes went wide as Sasuke lifted his bento box to Naruto. "Kakashi, look!" she whispered.

He turned, a lopsided grin developing under his mask as Sakura offered hers as well. "I don't know whether to be happy the academy actually taught them something or pissed that now I've got to babysit for the next few years."

"Oh, go tell them, go tell them!" Ame smiled broadly as she pushed him back towards the field, giddy excitement bubbling up inside her. Kakashi had started to grow to serious when he was on missions lately. Part of the reason the hokage had removed him from ANBU was because he had a kind heart, but even a kind heart, broken too many times, becomes hard. She hoped that the children would help to soften it again.


	4. Chapter 4

Ame stood back from the full length mirror in her tent as she smoothed her mother's kimono. Her heart gave a queer flutter. Tucking her scarred hands in the sleeves, she fought against the sting of her tears. It was like seeing her mother standing before her.

And she was about to betray her mother's friend.

She closed her eyes as her conversation with the hokage played in her mind again. He had just handed her a mission folder, and when she saw the map inside she looked up at him.  _"You know the place," he said._

_"Yes, Lord Third," she said, forcing her voice to be even. "My mother's people often work there during the rice season."_

_The old man nodded, taking a long drag from his pipe. "Your job is to infiltrate the home of Lady Hitomi Yagami. I understand she was raised a nomad as well. This mission will be a fact finding mission only. The Land of Iron is a political neutral and I will not have us jeopardizing that, but there is a faction within it that seems to be craving power. Yagami has a son, a samurai, who has taken his father's place as lord of their region. If he is not actively involved in this plot, he certainly will know who is. Your job is to gather the information from him, but he must be unharmed."_

Walking to the table, she flipped open the folder that held a picture of the young man, Kouta. He looked very much like the tribe, with his dark complexion and fair eyes, but he was dressed in full armor with a seriousness that imparted power and authority. Twenty-one-years-old, born the same year she'd last seen Hitomi. She remembered the kind hearted woman large and pregnant. And now Ame was being sent to seduce her son. Disgust rose up inside her as she shut the folder.

_"Just refuse the mission," Kakashi had said when she told her of her misgivings._

_She loved that he cared, but it hurt because this was her only way to serve their village. If she were not doing this, she would lose her jonin rank and with it, the chance of ever training students. "We all take missions we don't want," she said softly. "I'm sorry I worried you with it."_

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Adjusting the scroll strap on her shoulder, she walked up the lane to the large mansion. She had already passed many of the tribes people working in the rice paddies. The feeling of their stares as she walked in her mother's kimono, with her burnt hands bare and brazen in the morning sun, was heavy.

"We don't need any more workers," a young man working in the garden said as he saw her approaching.

Ame bowed low. "Honorable sir, I do not come to seek work, but to speak briefly with the Lady Yagami. She was a friend of my mother's."

The man eyed her suspiciously, but nodded.

She bowed again. "Thank you, sir."

The maid led her to a sitting room where Hitomi was painting. When the lady recognized the kimono, she dropped the brush, hastily hurrying around the table to lift Ame up from a low bow. "Ame-chun," the woman said, embracing her.

Ame's heart ached. "Hitomi-san," she gave a sad smile as Hitomi's unmarked hands went to hers and she saw the tears glistening in the woman's eyes.

"Banishment?" She shook her head, brushing away the tears. "I love my people, but this, I will never understand. Has it been long?"

For the first time in many years, Ame told the truth the time that had elapsed. "Fifteen years."

Hitomi shook her head as she repeated, "Fifteen years. Ame-chun, why didn't you come back here? I would have cared for you as if you were my own."

In her worry for Kakashi, the thought had never occurred to Ame before. Of course Hitomi would have taken her in, and even though she found the woman's late husband to be cold and impossibly formal, she could have had a very comfortable life. "I didn't want to be a burden," Ame lied smoothly.

"But you will stay with me now." Hitomi looked at her with those gentle eyes so much like her mother's and even if the hokage had not commanded it, Ame knew she would have accepted the invitation.

"Only if it won't trouble your household." Oh, how those words were bitter on her tongue.

"You could never be trouble to me!" Hitomi said. "Come, come, you must be weary. Let me show you to your quarters."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After Hitomi had left the lavish room and she had cleaned up, Ame sank into the feather bed. All around her was luxury. Unlike her own mother, who had chosen to live in two worlds, Hitomi had obviously fully embraced life as the wife of a samurai. Alone, the closet full of kimonos she offered to Ame went beyond anything she could have imagined.

Lunch would be served soon. Wearily, she pushed herself off the bed and went to ready herself. Everything must be perfect, she reminded herself as she touched up her make-up. From her vials, she pulled an odorless pheromone dabbing it on her neck and wrists as if it were perfume.

Lady Hitomi was already seated at the dining hall when she entered. "You look refreshed." She smiled as she said it, but Ame could hear the well meaning dishonesty of her words. That was good, though. Ame was supposed to seem broken and disheartened by her banishment. Never in her long career had it been easier to play that role than it was at that moment.

The door slid open again and Kouta entered. Without the armor, he looked less intimidating, and when he smiled at both of them, the last of her hopes were broken into a million pieces. He seemed so innocent and good-natured. Ame rose and bowed.

He returned her greeting. "You must be Ame-san," he said in a warm baritone. "I hope you feel welcome in our home."

"Very much, Lord Yagami," she said demurely, her eyes not meeting his as she forced a blush to rise to her cheeks.

"Please, call me Kouta. Our mothers were friends; I-I hope we can be as well."

 _Oh, kami, spare me,_  Ame thought as she looked into his eyes and saw only kindness. It was one thing to seduce and rip the information from the minds of lecherous criminals and enemies of the Leaf Village. It was another entirely to have to get close to this young man and gently take the pieces one by one.

"It is always pleasant to make a friend," Ame said, her gaze locked on his.  _You are a weapon in the hokage's hand,_  she reminded herself.  _This is your only purpose._ Kakashi's face flashed before her eyes.  _Not my only purpose,_  she thought.  _Forgive me, Kakashi-kun, for the things I must do._


	5. Chapter 5

Kakashi's fist came down hard on the top of Naruto's head, slamming the boy to the wood floor. That loud-mouth brat was going to get the hokage angry with Kakashi, just when he'd been considering asking for a brief reprieve from babysitting training the three brats.

Ame had been on her mission for a month. It wasn't as if he expected her to send word that she was okay, but when she left she clearly wasn't and that bothered him. Going into a mission, even a relatively safe one, with your mind on the wrong things could be deadly. Had Naruto not mouthed off, he would have asked permission to check on her, but the chances of a "yes" flew out the window as he watched the drunken bridge builder stagger in.

Maybe a mission is what I need right now, Kakashi thought as he studied Tazune. The kids are actually showing some promising signs of teamwork. Anything beat sleeping in his large, empty bed; not that sleep came easily without Ame there.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Walking through the extensive gardens behind Hitomi's home, Ame walked slowly, intentionally, as she selected flowers for an arrangement for her hosts. She could see Kouta doing kata with a sword in an artificial meadow. More importantly, he could see her as she carefully selected flowers. Careful to drop her gaze bashfully whenever he looked her way, she lingered a bit longer than entirely necessary were flower arranging her true purpose.

As she'd planned, when she walked out of his eyesight to the greenhouse to put the arrangement together, he appeared ten minutes later. "You are incredibly skilled," he said from the doorway.

She glanced at him, a faint smile playing on her lips. His tunic was open, his bare, pristine chest glistening in the morning sun. How many scars had her Kakashi-kun had at 21? She'd almost forgotten what it was to see unblemished flesh. As much as he trained for war, he truly had no idea what it was to bleed. "It seems you are as well," she said with an innocent blush as she lay down the flower she was clipping and walked to him. "Is it very difficult? To learn the sword?"

He chuckled. "You aren't thinking of taking it up, now are you? It wouldn't be very ladylike."

She made her blush deepen. "N-no. I could never. I... I do so love to watch you though. It seems like dancing."

Reaching out, she thought he was going to touch her cheek, but he withdrew, putting both hands behind his back. "I thought perhaps you would care to walk with me. The weather is so nice this morning."

"If it pleases my lord," she said, bowing her head slightly while her gaze was locked on his.

She walked beside him. The borrowed kimono she wore blew in the breeze, occasionally touching him. In her desperation to complete the mission, she'd soaked it in pheromone the night before, hanging it to dry in her room. Never before had she had so much trouble getting a man to touch her. If it weren't for the way his eyes danced when he looked at her, she would have wondered if perhaps the hokage should not have sent a male ninja for this particular assignment.

They passed a field where the nomads were camped and she slowed her pace. For once, she was not playing a part as she watched a group of children playing. They were varying ages, with some just out of their toddler years, while some were as old as the children on Kakashi's new team. A genuine, sad smile crept onto her lips.

"Do you miss it?" he asked softly, drawing her back to reality.

"Yes."

The ball the children were playing with rolled their way, and Ame bent down to pick it up. "Here you are," she said with a smile as she handed it to a little girl, who grinned back at her.

"Thank you, ma'am!" the little girl said. "I like your kimono."

An older boy, about twelve or thirteen, grabbed her by the shoulder and drew her away. "Don't talk to her," he whispered a bit too loudly. "She's banished."

She should have known that would happen, but it felt as if she'd been slapped.

"Boy!" Ame turned at the harsh sound of Kouta's voice and found the young man was transformed into the stern visage she'd first seen in his photo.

Reluctantly the boy turned, pushing the little girl to run off behind him. "My lord?'

"You will speak of Lady Shinrinyoku with respect, or I will cut the tongue from your mouth and see how you like to be marked," he said.

The boy's eyes went wide. "My apologies," he said, bowing low.

"Is there a problem?" a pregnant woman walked out of her tent and Ame's eyes went wide.

"Eri?" Ame's breath caught. It had been over a decade since she'd seen her friend, her ex-lover's sister. It had been before the third ninja war.

"Ame?" Eri let the flap of her tent fall as she hurried towards her. "Is that really you?"

Nodding, she felt as if ice had entered her blood as an old fear entered her. "Is Reo..?"

Eri shook her head, a sorrow Ame didn't understand shadowing her eyes. "You look well," Eri said.

"So do you," Ame smiled as she looked at Eri's wide belly. "Will the baby be hear before winter?"

"In the next few days, I think."

"Is this your first?"

Eri chuckled. "Not hardly. That was my oldest, who was apparently being rude." She rubbed her belly. "This will be my sixth."

"Six?" Ame looked at her friend in wonder.

"Do you have any children?"

There was a sharp pain in Ame's heart. "No," she said softly. "No, I don't."

A little girl came out the tent and ran up to Eri, pulling at the sleeve of her yakata. When Eri bent down, she whispered something, and Eri chuckled. "I have to go, Ame, but I would like to visit with you again before we leave."

"I would like that," Ame said. "I am staying as a guest of Lady Yagami."

Eri smiled. "Soon," she said with a sadness in her smile. "Be well, sister."

Sister, the word tore at Ame's soul.

"We should go back home," Kouta's voice startled her and she realized that she had forgotten he was there.

"I'm sorry," she said, with a small chuckle as she tried to recover.

"At least she seemed kind," he said when they had put some distance between themselves and the camp.

"Yes, Eri has always been kind," she said. It wasn't her role that kept her eyes downcast as they walked, but had she looked up at him, she would have seen a profound compassion on his face.

That night, after Ame had gone to bed, Kouta sat with his mother. "Are you sure?" Hitomi asked. "You have only known her a short time."

"Without a doubt," he said with a broad smile. "I want to take Ame Shinrinyoku for my wife."


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, Ame was sitting under the shade of a huge peach tree as she painted a teacup. Hitomi was sitting beside her, working on an embroidered obi. A maid hurried towards them, bowing low. "My lady, there is a nomad to see Lady Shinrinyoku."

Hitomi smiled. "Please bring her to us, Mina."

A few minutes later, Eri walked into the garden. Ame had never seen her look so out of place as she did. Her gaze was on her bare feet as she bowed low.

"Rise, dear," Hitomi said. "I will leave you ladies alone to visit. Ame-chun, would you like me to have tea served for you both."

"Yes, please, Hitomi-san." As the older lady left, Ame rose and went to her friend. She wasn't sure that Eri would be happy for it, but she put her arms around her friend. After a second of surprise, Eri returned the hug.

To Ame's shock, she felt hot tears flow from the other woman's eyes. "What's wrong, Eri-chun!? Is it the baby?"

Eri shook her head. "I... I hoped it wasn't true."

"What wasn't true?"

Taking Ame's hands in hers she looked at them for a moment. "That he did this to you," she said softly. "In the end, he was so... lost. We knew you'd been separated, but..." She brushed tears away with the heel of her hands.

Ame shivered as if the summer sun had suddenly been blotted out. "What do you mean, 'in the end'?"

"Reo killed himself," Eri said. "Several years after the war. He always felt so guilty about what he did to you, and the war itself was very..." She shook her head.

The air felt like it left her lungs, and Ame put her scarred hands to her heart. How many times had she thought of seeking revenge? Too many.  _Had you felt my rage?_  her mind asked his ghost. Suddenly, it felt like someone was stabbing at her heart and she gasped for air.

"Ame!" Eri called as Ame's knees buckled under her and she collapsed into the grass.

 _This pain,_  Ame thought as her mind rushed.  _It's not about Reo. It's Kakashi-kun's blood seal. He's in danger._

"I'm okay," she managed to say as her friend knelt beside her, with her arms around Ame's shoulders.

Years before they had agreed that she was not to try to go to him if the blood seal was activated. If she were on missions, it would jeopardize hers. If he were on missions, it would distract him. And so she had to wait, with her heart feeling like it were going to explode and her soul were turning to ash.

She forced herself to breathe evenly as she looked up. "I'm sorry about your brother." It felt so inadequate on her lips.  _He was a good man. Once upon a time. When we were younger. Before the fires of war had tested him._  Her mind went to her Kakashi-kun. He was truly a good man. For all he had lived through, his heart was still gentle.

"He loved you," Eri barely whispered. "For all the pain he put you through, he did love you."

Unable to find words, Ame simply nodded. She remembered his lips whispering that in the morning light. You are my north star, he would say. No matter where I wander, I find my home in you.

A tear rolled down her cheek.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Eri left shortly after tea, not that Ame could blame her. Nothing about their visit had been truly pleasant. Throughout it Ame's heart ached with pain and worry for her Kakashi-kun, and she knew Eri was entertaining ghosts of her own. They had nothing in common anymore. Ame was a kunoichi posing as a banished nomad, entering the life of a noblewoman. Eri was a nomadic mother, whose children loved her, who had never felt the blood of an enemy drip down her fingers, whose lotuses were flawless on her dark skin.

She could have gone back to painting, but found she had no will to do so. Every fiber of her body wanted to run away, back to Kohona, at least to know why it was he was in danger. Walking through the garden, her fingers ran over the delicate rose petals, but her eyes were drawn out to the forest beyond the pristine lawns.

It was cool and dark in the trees. She wandered, breathing deeply as waves of regret and anguish washed over her. Eri was everything she could have had had she chosen a different path. Maybe if she would have, Reo would still be alive. Maybe it would be her with a baby kicking inside her belly and little girls running up to whisper to "mommy." A tear ran down her cheek. But if she'd chosen that path, what would have become of her Kakashi-kun? Would he have been able to bear the weight of Rin's death on his own? Would he have lived a long life and found love with someone more used to the life they led?

She seemed as soon as Kouta entered the forest, but she didn't look up. Every fiber of her being willed him to leave, but apparently the universe was angry with her. "Ame-chun, why are you out here?"

Cursing inwardly, she gave the best attempt at a smile she could and looked up at him. "I just needed time to myself, I apologize if I worried you, my lord."

His hand raised, and for a moment she thought he would draw away again, but then his warm hand was on her cheek, gently brushing aside her tears. "If I could control the universe," he said tenderly, "I would make it so nothing ever made you cry again."

She chuckled. What an innocent and empty promise. His fingers hadn't left her cheek, though, and she leaned against it, channeling her chakra up his arm as she worked her way into his mind.  _Kiss me_ , her mind ordered. As his lips pressed against hers, she got clear images of his memories. She ran her fingers through his hair, desperately searching for the answers she needed. She saw a meeting of samurai, a gaunt old man sitting at the head of the gathering. "Our nation is strong, stronger than our neighbors, and yet, we stay here, in this land that is waste in the wintertime, which consumes half the year."

He broke away and it felt as if she were being ripped from his mind. She gasped as she looked into his eyes, but there was only love there. "Marry me?" he whispered.

"Kouta..."

"I know you are lonely and you want a family of your own," he said quickly. "I can't replace your tribe, but I can give you a good life. For as long as you live, no one would ever hurt you again. You would be respected and cared for and loved." The last word was whispered like a prayer and she knew he meant it with all he was.

 _Please spare me from hurting him,_  she prayed silently as she leaned in and kissed his lips again, her mind probing his for more clues. All she could find was that the man who had been speaking was named Ueno. She broke the kiss. "Yes," she said softly. It was not the first time she'd been engaged for the sake of a mission. It was, though, the first time it broke her heart that she she would eventually have to break his.

As she lay awake that night, the pain from the blood bond with Kakashi had lessened. He was in danger, but he would survive. She hoped the same held true for his teammates. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to be near him, to care for his injuries, and to hear her name on his lips. "Forgive me, Kakashi-kun," she whispered to the moon.


	7. Chapter 7

Kakashi walked a ways behind the kids as they made their way back to the Hidden Leaf Village. His mind went back to the bridge, the unnatural snowfall in the middle of summer, as he watched the last minutes of Zabuza's life. "Someone precious," that's what Haku had called him, the demon ninja with his filed teeth and black heart.

 _Even the worst of us are capable of love,_  he thought as a thistle down crossed his path. Reaching out he caught it between his fingers. A few more miles and he would be home.

But their house was empty. He walked every room, but there was no hint that she had even come back. A chill ran through him as he locked the door again and headed to the hokage tower.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"She is more than capable of taking care of herself," the Third Hokage said.

"I know," Kakashi said, "and I promise not to interfere with her mission, but even you've got to agree she has been gone an unusually long time."

The hokage said nothing as he rose and walked to the window, smoking his pipe as he looked out over the village. For the first time in his life, Kakashi felt extremely foolish in the presence of his superior. He was worrying for nothing. He was acting like a lovesick teenager. Just as he was going to apologize and leave, the hokage turned.

"Remain undercover. You are right that this is taking much longer than even I expected it to. Return with her information, but if she has not yet identified the leader of the movement, leave her there."

Kakashi bowed. "Yes, my lord."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

He seen the houses of samurai on several occasions and he was no strangers to mansions either, but there was something about the Yagami home that sent a chill through Kakashi. He adjusted the strap of his camera case. His silver hair was hidden under a brown wig, the mask was gone, purple makeup covered his scar and a contact covered his sharingan.

A maid answered the door. "Hello there!" he said with a smile he didn't feel. "My name is Sukea; I've come to ask Lady Yagami's permission to photograph her grounds."

The maid blushed, but bowed and hurried away. A few moments later she returned and ushered him into a room where Hitomi sat, embroidering. He bowed and she asked, "Sukea? You are a photographer?"

"Yes, my lady."

"How fortunate," she said with a faint smile. "I have been looking for a photographer."

He raised an eyebrow.

"My son is soon to be married," she said as she rose. "Do you perhaps have examples of your work?"

Kakashi felt as if he would never be able to find his voice, but he managed to say. "Not with me. Perhaps I could take some photos here and develop them. If you like my work, I would be happy to photograph the wedding."  _Happy. That's rich._

"Ah, here they are!" Hitomi said as she spied Kouta and Ame walking arm and arm through the garden.

Kakashi looked through the window and his breath stopped. She was beautiful. Stunning beyond anything he remembered. Had she only been gone three months? Gold combs shimmered in her dark hair, her embroidered silk kimono billowed behind her and the wind carried her musical laughter to his ears. Her delicate fingers were on another man's arm. Her pale eyes were sparkling with a love that made it feel as if he were bleeding to death there in the sitting room without a single injury.

But despite his inner turmoil, Lady Hitomi only saw a young photographer looking passively at her son and his fiancee. "Shall we go out and meet them?" She shattered his thoughts.

"Yes, my lady, I would like that very much," he said with his false smile, unsure how he would manage to survive this and cursing himself for being so incredibly stupid.

"Kouta-kun! Ame-chun!" Hitomi sang out happily as they stepped onto the wide porch.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

If the earth had opened beneath her feet and she were sucked into the underworld, Ame would have been no more surprised than she was when she turned around and Kakashi was standing besides Hitomi. Involuntarily, her hand went from Kouta's arm to her mouth.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She gave a soft chuckle, recovering quickly. "She startled me. I was so lost in our conversation and..." She giggled. "I suppose a brave man like you is never frightened by a woman calling out that way."

"Oh, my mother has frightened me on more than one occasion," Kouta said with a wink. "Let's go see what has her so excited, shall we?"

"Of course," Ame said, trying to keep hey knees from bucking.

Neither Hitomi or Kouta were aware the level of discomfort Ame and "Sukea" were feeling as they politely bowed to each other, exchanging bland and generic pleasantries. Her eyes barely met his, but in the briefest glance he saw a combination of hurt, love, anger, desire, and sadness. Kaskahi's heart ached as her hand rested back on Kouta's arm as "Sukea" asked about the wedding.

"We aren't planning a large affair," she said in a timid tone he rarely heard from her. The word "affair" stuck in him like a knife.

"Will it take place soon?"

"Next Sunday," Kouta said proudly as he slipped a hand around Ame's waist.

"How lovely!" Kakashi said in Sukea's upbeat, soft voice.

 _I'm sorry!_ Ame needed to tell him. As she stole a glance at him, she knew he didn't understand. She also knew, with painful clarity, that he would stay.

The thought of marrying another man, even one as handsome and kind as Kouta, had been awful enough. The thought of doing so under the gaze of her Kakashi nearly broke her.

"Wouldn't that be nice, Lady Shinrinyoku?" Kakashi's disguised voice rattled her out off her thoughts.

"I am sorry."  _In every way imaginable._

"I would like to take some portraits of you, as a gift for your husband." The word was acid on his lips.

She nodded. "Yes, that would be nice."

"Perhaps in the garden," Hitomi suggested.

"I was thinking the woods," Kakashi said. "To contrast such refined beauty against the wildness of nature."

"You speak like a true artist," Kouta said with a smile. "I can't wait to see your work."

"I only hope it will please my lord," Kakashi said with a small bow.

Ame's eyes met his again. A thousand things she longed to say were in that gaze, but so much was lost in the pain between them. "How long will you be here?" she found herself asking.

"If it pleases my lady, I would love to capture the happiness of your wedding day." The words "love" and "happiness" cracked across her soul like a whip.

"Please, call me Ame."

Kakashi shook his head. "I could never take such liberties, my lady."

She was the only one who caught the faint inflection on the word "my," but it seared her to her core. To the Yagamis they were a set of strangers discussing her wedding plans, but in reality they were lovers, slowly dying.

How strange it is to bleed to death when it's only your soul that's injured.


	8. Chapter 8

Ame expected Kakashi to show up in her room that night, she did not expect him to show up smelling strongly of sake and out of his disguise. When he slid the door open and lazily leaned against the frame, she panicked, pulling him inside. He staggered slightly, catching himself on her dresser. Looking both ways, she shut the door and jammed it before she whirled around to glare at him. The pain she'd felt earlier that day about hurting him were pushed aside in her worry that they would both be discovered.

"Yo," he said with a little two finger salute.

"Yo?" she hissed. "You come here, jeopardize my mission, show up drunk in my bedroom, and the best you can do is 'yo'?!"

"Oh, is this still a mission? I thought it was an engagement. Not that I can blame you." He looked around the room and gave a slow whistle. "This room's bigger than our house. Probably costs more too."

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you honestly going to stand there and insinuate that I'd throw away our relationship, go rogue, and possibly start another war all because I wanted to marry some guy for his money?!" She was whispering, but her icy tone left no room to doubt that her anger was at a boiling point. "If it wouldn't blow both of our covers I'd toss your drunk ass out the window!"

At this, he threw his head back and gave a cold laugh.

Hurrying over, she slapped her hand over his mouth. "Are you crazy!? Keep quiet!"

He easily escaped her grip. Shaking his head, he walked around the room taking in the sights. "Relax, princess, even drunk, I'm a top notch shinobi. I put everyone to sleep."

"Why are you here, Kakashi?"

"I missed you," he said with a shrug. Turning slowly, he studied her; her anger only lessened by the slightest of degrees. "You've been gone three months."

"And how many missions have you taken that were longer than that?" she asked.

"Come on, you and I both know your missions and mine aren't the same," he said.

"Yeah," she said. "I seduce people and you kill them." She knew it was low and cut deep, but she couldn't understand how a man as smart as him would do and say as many incredibly dumb things as he'd done and said that day.

He gave a single chuckle, his eyes narrowing. "Beauty and the Beast, right? Just like your fairy tales. Looks like you've finally found Prince Charming."

"Grow up!"

"Why? What is that kid? Eighteen? Does he even shave yet? Spoiled ass, mama's boy."

"What is wrong with you? Where the hell did this jealousy come from? You've always known what I did! It never bothered you before!"

"It always bothered me!" he screamed back at her. The pain was clearly written on his face and this time it struck at Ame's heart as sharply as if it had been a kunai.

"Kakashi-kun," she said softly as she walked to him. "I don't love Kouta. It's a mission, nothing more."

"Are you really going to marry him?"

"On paper."

He turned from her and walked to the window. "And what are you going to do when the mission's over? Just walk away from all this?"

"I grew up in a tent," she said, fighting to keep her voice calm. "I would wear the same yakata until it would fall apart because attachment to the things of the world bind us to it."

"Yeah, I remember your views on attachments."

"Why does a stupid piece of paper mean so much to you?"

"It's not the paper, damn it!" He slammed his fist on her dresser. "It's the promise behind it, and I can see exactly what it takes to make you change your mind on the subject."

"This is a mission," she ground out, her fists clenched. "But as you're so hellbent on thinking that I prefer what Kouta Yagami has to offer, let me tell you something. If I were to be so stupid as to throw my life away for him, it wouldn't be this house or these clothes that turned my head. There are other things he's offered to me. Things you can't even seem to comprehend, and honestly, at this moment, I wish I were able to live my happily ever after with him because he, at least, is not a hard-headed, cold-hearted bastard like you!"

He stormed past her, the door slamming behind him. Every fiber of her body hurt as she finally let the tears she'd been fighting against fall to the floor. "Why?" she whispered as she steadied herself against the dresser, staring at herself in the mirror.

The painful realization that she'd possibly just ruined her life crashed onto her. She'd hurt him intentionally. She'd stared into his eyes as she broke his heart and relished clawing into the raw parts of his soul. What she didn't realize during their fight, though, was that every wound she inflicted in him tore at her own heart as well.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kakashi staggered into his room after grabbing another bottle of sake from the kitchen. A small, reasonable voice inside him told him that what he was doing was extremely stupid. No man ever earned the love of a woman by calling her a gold-digger, much less screaming accusations at her. But his heart was raw.

He hated Kouta Yagami with every fiber of his being. He hated the way the boy made her laugh. He hated Kouta's pretty face. He hated that Kouta could give Ame anything her heart desired. He hated that apparently he didn't even know what her heart desired, but that damned samurai had figured it out in three months.

Tilting his head back he downed half the bottle in a single gulp, relishing the burn in his throat. But rather than cloud his memories, they brought them back with painful clarity. "I seduce people and you kill them," she'd said. It was true. He was a killer. Cold-hearted Kakashi. Friend-killer.

Her words stung more than all the whispers of the village, though. In all the years he'd known her, she'd never looked at him the way they had until that night. His breath caught as a wave of panic flooded his body and seized his lungs. He'd lost her. Forever.

The bottle of sake fell to the floor with a crash as his eyes flooded with tears. She was going to marry Kouta Yagami and he would have to bring the news back to the hokage. If she abandoned the mission, ANBU would be deployed to eliminate her as quietly as possible. She would die because he had failed to be the man she needed. She would die. He gasped against the tears as he collapsed into the bed.

 _I can't let that happen_ , he thought, though how he would prevent it escaped his alcohol befuddled mind. For the first time in more than a decade, he cried himself to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Habit roused Kakashi earlier than he would have liked, especially with a head pounding with regret and the last effects of his binge the night before. Scrubbing his eyes against the faint rays of morning sun, he groaned as he rolled over and climbed out of bed.

Ignoring the throbbing of his head, he leaned over and picked up the broken sake bottle, hiding the evidence. Rummaging around in his bag, he pulled out powdered medicine and swallowed the vial, wincing slightly at the bitter taste. _I am never drinking again._

Leaning against the wall, he examined himself in the mirror. The sharingan eye was shut, but the deep scar marred his pale face. Looking down at his hands, he thought about the fact that they were the only part of his body that weren't scarred. And Ame's were basically her only scars. It was ironic as his hands had spilled so much blood and hers so little.

Going through the routine of covering all those scars, his mind went over the events of the night before. He hadn't meant to get plastered and show up at Ame's room. He definitely hadn't intended to insult her or pick a fight or hurt her.

Had he hurt her? Regretfully, he was pretty sure he had, but all he remembered in her eyes was anger and loathing. Drawing a sharp breath that did nothing to quell the ache in his heart, he tried to push the image of her face out of his mind. She hated him.

Over the years, the people of Kohona had slowly learned to accept him. He couldn't ignore the fact that Ame's infectious joy and kind nature probably had a lot to do with that. It was harder to see him as a monster when he had an angel on his arm. But now she was looking at him the same way they had, and he found that he would have traded the hatred of the whole village for her love.

Just as he finished putting on his wig, the last element of his disguise, there was a knock on his door. His heartbeat quickened for the briefest moment before he realized it wasn't Ame's chakra signature behind the door.

"Come in," he said in Sukea's pleasant voice.

"Good morning," Kouta said as he slid the door open. "I hope I'm not disturbing you. I was hoping that I could catch you before you went out today."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"I would like to ask a favor of you," Kouta said. "I have a special set of photographs I'd like you to take of Ame-chun."

A wave a nausea washed over Kakashi.  _Yeah, I'm sure you'd like those photos, but like hell am I going to take nudes of my woman to give you._  He forced a blush, scrubbing the back of his neck. "Well, I'm not really comfortable with those kinds of things..."

"Wait, what?" Kouta looked at him in confusion. A few seconds later, his eyes grew wide and he blushed as well, holding up his shaking hands in surrender. "No, no nothing like that. I just... Well, I suppose it would be easier to show you. Would you be ready to go quickly?"

Kakashi nodded, picking up his camera bag and putting it on his shoulder.

"How are you at hiding?" Kouta asked as they walked out into the gardens.

"I've been told I'm fair at it," Kakashi said.

Kouta nodded. "I always knew Ame was sad. She'd lost her people so long ago, had no one..." Kakashi had to fight to keep his face neutral, "but a month ago I realized she also deeply wanted a family. It's common for my mother's people, Ame's people, to start families very young."

They were approaching a village and he pointed to a small building with a large backyard full of toys. "Part of my reason for having the wedding so soon is so she doesn't have to wait any longer, but in the meantime, the village school was in need of a new teacher, and it has brought her so much joy."

Kakashi looked at the young man beside him with mixture of reluctant admiration and intense loathing seething just below his false smile. Ame had said it the night before, Kouta had offered her things Kakashi didn't even realize she wanted. That was it. Children.

Suddenly he felt like the stupidest man in existance. Ame, who'd mothered him when they were children, who went out of her way in the marketplace to coo over babies, who had broken down when the hokage refused her request to adopt Naruto at the ludicrous age of twenty; she wanted children of her own. Every sign in the world had been there, staring him in the face, but he'd only seen what he wanted to. He saw her as a vixen, a goddess, a lover. He'd dreamed of taking her as his wife, and was crushed when she'd refused him, but he'd never thought to question what it was she really wanted from their relationship. It had only taken this brat a couple months to figure it out. A couple of measly months to the years he'd known her.

"What is it you want me to do?" he found himself asking.

"She'll be here in about a half hour. I'd like you to get some photos of her and the kids," Kouta said. "She loves them, and I know it would be a nice surprise for her."

Kakashi tasted the bile in his mouth. Three months. Kouta Yagami had known his Ame for three months. All the things he'd comforted himself with, that this punk kid didn't really know his Ame, had been shattered.

"I'd like you to try to stay hidden to keep the photographs as natural as possible," he heard Kouta saying, and he mutely nodded.

The young man took a bag off his shoulder and handed it to Kakashi. "I brought you breakfast. I'm sorry to have taken you out so early, but this is very important to me." He smiled as Kakashi took the bag and Kakashi wanted to do nothing more than to smash the boy's teeth in. It wasn't right. None of it was. Kouta Yagami should have been loathsome, unpleasant, ugly, but he'd made Kakashi breakfast. Damn it all to hell.

"Thank you," Kakashi managed to say in Sukea's upbeat voice, returning the smile as if he weren't breaking inside.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kouta left, and Kakashi tossed the bag he'd given him aside as he waited in the shadows. A few minutes later, as Kouta had promised, Ame showed up at the school house. She was in a simpler kimono, her hair falling down her back in a loose braid. She looked like she'd been crying.

Everything in him wanted to go to her, to apologize not just for the night before, but for not knowing her well enough to see the things Kouta had seen. He would make it right. He would give her whatever she wanted. A house full of children. A promise to never mention marriage again as long as he lived. Whatever she wanted, it was hers.

"Ame-sensai!" a little boy called out as he broke away from his mother's grip, running to Ame, who crouched down and embraced him as he ran into her arms.

He took a picture.  _Why hadn't I seen the way it broke her heart when she'd beg me to pass a team?_

"Look at this," he heard Ame saying as she held out a picture the boy had given her. _Even if she couldn't have had a team of her own, even if the "kids" on it were practically grown up, it would have given her a chance to mother someone._

"I made it just for you," the little boy said.  _How many times was it right there in front of me?_

"How did you know exactly what I wanted?" Ame grinned as she stood up, ruffling the little boy's hair.  _Yeah, how?_


	10. Chapter 10

The house was unnaturally still and silent Saturday night. The full moon poured through the windows like silk spread out before Ame's bare feet as she followed the path of Kakashi's chakra. Although she slid the door open as silently as she could, she caught the faint hitch in his breathing, the barest tension of his muscles, and knew he had woken. For a moment, though, she stayed there, watching him pretend to sleep. His face was beautiful in the pale light of the moon.

"It's me," she whispered, watching as he turned to her.

His heavy-lidded eyes took her in like a drowning man gasps for air. Her silk robe was open and trailing behind her, revealing her every soft, dusky curve of her bare skin beneath it. "I'm sorry," he breathed as she climbed into the bed beside him.

"Shhh," she whispered into his ear, as she gently pulled the wig back. The moonlight danced off his hair, making it look like molten silver as she ran her fingers through it. "I'm sorry too." She kissed his forehead as she slid her hands up his long sleeve shirt. Her fingers danced over the jagged scars from injuries that would have been the death of a lesser man years ago.

Her eyes locked with his and she gave a small, but genuine smile. When he returned it, she whispered, "There you are," before she leaned over and kissed his lips. Her tongue ran over his for the briefest moment before she broke the kiss long enough to take his bottom lip between her teeth and bit just hard enough for it to hurt. When he gasped, she reclaimed his lips, her mouth hungry on his.

To her surprise, he pulled away, propping himself up on his elbow. "We should talk," he said.

She shook her head. "We have all night to talk. Right now, I want you," she said as she began to began to trail kissed down his bare chest, her fingers slipping into the waistband of his pants. Any resistance he had crumbled like sand. He never could resist her.

With every kiss, every gentle ministration, she banished his fears. This vixen was first woman he'd truly made love to back when he was young. She was the one who knew every inch of his body and exactly what to do to bring him to the brink a dozen times or more before she finally brought him into paradise. She was the woman who blushed when he kissed her in public, but would sprawl out on their couch reading smut that made Icha Icha seem like a fairy tale. The one whose giggles could always make him laugh, whose arms could heal his inner wounds, whose eyes read his soul. She was his Ame.

As he watched her ride him, the moonlight dancing off her shimmering skin, he knew without a doubt that this woman was his and his alone.

oooooooooooooooo

"I'm glad you're here," she said as she laced her fingers with his.

"I noticed," Kakashi said with a smirk.

She chuckled. "I know who the leader is, and there is supposed to be another meeting the days after the wedding. The only reason I agreed to marry him was because, as his wife, I will be allowed to attend."

"That's smart." Kakashi kissed her fingertips. "I'm sure the hokage will appreciate the extra information."

"Oh, I'm not going for information," she said with a faint smile. "I'm going to end this."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

As she laid out her carefully devised plan, Kakashi felt increasingly foolish for his bout of jealousy. Ame was a skilled kunoichi, his equal, and he should have seen through her disguise.

When she was finished talking, she nuzzled her head back down against his chest. She breathed in the comforting, clean smell of his skin. "I've been thinking," she said softly. "When we get home, if you still want to... Will you marry me?"

He looked down at her in disbelief for a moment and she turned her head upward to grin at him. "I'd like that," he said huskily.

She had just offered him the thing he wanted more than anything, and he knew he should reciprocate. The words on the tip of his tongue terrified him, though. Once they were uttered, there was no going back. "What do you think about having kids?"

It felt like the blood froze in his veins as he waited for her response. He didn't think of himself as father material. His own father had been amazing until he wasn't and some small voice in Kakashi's head warned him that if Sakuma Hatake wasn't man enough to hang on until his son was grown, he sure as hell wouldn't be.

Ame looked back up at him, her eye filled of happy tears. "I wish we could, but..." She gave a half-hearted chuckle. "The chemicals and poisons I have to use alone won't allow it. I doubt a child could survive the things I do to my body."

Her fears did more to quell his than any assurances she could have given him. "Do you want children?" he asked.

She nodded and he smiled down at her. "Then we'll find a way to make that happen," he whispered into her hair before he kissed the top of her head.

He relished the feeling of her bare skin against his, as he held her a little tighter. Tomorrow she would marry another man, but it didn't matter. Like so many other things about their lives, it was an act. He drank in the smell of her hair. This. This moment, this woman, this love they shared was the only real thing, but that was enough.


	11. Chapter 11

She woke in her own bed, but she could still feel Kakashi's arms around her. Outside her door, she heard servants bustling about with preparations. Her kimono hung on a rack near the window. For a moment she lay there in the still-dark hours of morning, staring at it.

How many little girls dreamed of such a day? Of dressing like a princess, marrying a handsome, kind man, living in a palace? She chuckled as she pushed back the covers and stood. All she wanted was her shinobi and their tiny house with the big backyard for all his ninken to play around in... and maybe a few kids in a year or two, she thought with a happy smile as she remembered his words from the night before.

And he wasn't the type of man to say things he didn't mean. Kakashi's words were promises. Unless he told you he was going to be somewhere at a certain time. That was always up for question. Everything else, though, she thought with a chuckle, everything else was gold.

There was a small knock on her door. Pulling on her robe, she called, "Come in."

Hitomi came in, carrying a tray of breakfast and Ame's heart gave a peculiar ache as the woman smiled at her. As much as she loved Kakashi, as much as she would not trade what they had for anything, she also did not want to hurt these people and over the span of the next week, that was what she was going to do.

"Good morning, Hitomi-san," Ame forced herself to say with the contented smile of a woman deeply and uncomplicatedly in love.

"Good morning, musume." Hitomi ran her fingers through Ame's hair as she brushed it behind her ear. "I am so happy for the two of you."

Ame forced a blush as she cast her eyes down. "I am glad. I only hope I can be a worthy wife for Kouta."  _I only hope that one day Kouta will find a worthy wife who truly loves him as he deserves._

Hitomi gently put her hand under Ame's chin and raised the younger woman's face so that they were looking each other in the eye. "You will have a long, happy life together," she said with certainty. "The gods will bless you."

Unable to form words, Ame nodded with her best attempt at a smile as she hoped her future mother-in-law perceived her trembling to only be pre-wedding jitters.

"I will send the maids in to dress you in a half hour or so, but now, try to eat something," Hitomi said before she leaned in and gently kissed Ame's forehead.

When she left, Ame sighed and collapsed onto the bed. Four more days, she thought as she looked at the elaborate wedding dress waiting for her.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

To say she made a beautiful bride would have been an understatment. Dressed as Sukea, Kakashi was grateful for the camera that allowed him to stare at her without seeming rude. Her pure, white kimono contrasted against her skin, giving her an ethereal beauty that made her her look like a goddess walking in the Shinto shrine.

"Every promise I make tomorrow," she'd whispered the night before as she pressed her warm, silken flesh against his, "is meant for you. I am yours and yours alone."

He couldn't have promised that he would have survived that day if she hadn't shown up in his room the night before. Every wound they'd inflicted over the past days was bandaged, healing. And so, he could capture her beauty as a gift for her husband and his mother. A few days more, and that would be all the had of her, after all. In some small way, he felt badly for the boy.

When the ceremony ended, they walked back to Kouta's home, as they walked, people from the village gathered behind them so that, end the end, there was a large crowd in the mansion gardens where an elaborate feast was laid out. It still pained him a little to see Kouta at her side, but it would only be for a few more days. Anyone could survive a few days.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ame could feel Kouta trembling as he led her to his room. Her thoughts went back to the first time she'd known a man. She'd been thirteen, but he had been kind and patient with her. That was how it should be. Sweet and gentle.  _And real,_  she reminded herself. _I am sorry, Kouta._

He slid the door shut and stood there for a minute, looking at her as if she were an idol. She smiled at him, a blush gracing her cheeks as she walked to him. Her hand went to his cheek. "I love you," she whispered as she tiptoed slightly and kissed him on the lips. Her chakra flowed into his mind, painting the most tender moments she could imagine. She broke the kiss, but laced her fingers with his, her chakra continuing to flood his mind and body with, what she hoped, was an amazing wedding night for him.

Gently, she led him to the bed, and laid him down, smiling faintly as he moaned her name. Careful to only drain away the chakra she needed to maintain the illusion, she held his hand as she started to undress him. By the time he climaxed, she was sure he would sleep for a while, and she slipped out of her kimono, tossing it on the floor. She rumbled the bedsheets, kissing his face and chest to leave lipstick marks on his smooth flesh, and then lay down beside him. It was easier to pry into his mind as he was sleeping. She put both hands on his temples. Some memories she replayed a dozen times to make sure she wouldn't forget anything. She would have preferred if she could have written everything down, but if that had been discovered the consequences would have had repercussions much more complicated that simply losing his trust.

She was just drifting off to sleep when he turned, his arm wrapping around her. His eyes barely opened, and he mumbled, "I love you, Ame," as he gave her a tired, contented smile that tore at her heart.  _One day, Kouta,_  she thought,  _one day you'll meet a woman who loves you for real._


	12. Chapter 12

From the shadows, Ame watched as the pyre burned. It was a good thing Kakashi had shown up, his chakra control was much better than her own, and as he stood beside her, maintaining his transformed clone as it slowly burned away. Both were transformed into a nomadic couple, just in case someone spotted them, but it had been two days already and the only two regularly in the area seemed to be Hitomi and Kouta. A small group of servants would come and go, but grief locked the son and his mother to that spot.

"You don't have to watch this," Kakashi said softly.

"I do." Ame knew that he knew that. Both had known loss, but to see it in the eyes of another, of one she'd left in such a way. If she must make Kouta and Hitomi bear this, she must at least bear her owe guilt in it. Ame shuddered against the late summer breeze.

On the pyre her body seemed to burn away, revealing sinew and bone, releasing the soul she wasn't sure she had anymore. It was as if her old life were burning away. She looked down at the flawless lotuses on the back of the unblemished hands of her transformation and knew what she would do when she got home.

 _Home,_  she thought with a faint smile.  _I have a home. I have roots. I belong to Kohona and Kakashi. When I die for real, they'll bury me in the ground and I won't mind. One day, one day, Kouta you will have someone to belong to, but please, let my ghost go._

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Two days before...

"Are you nervous?" Kouta asked her as they walked down the lane.

"A little." It wasn't a lie. The multitude of things that could go wrong were enormous. Even knowing that Kakashi would be among them, disguised as a samurai (of all laughable things), was only a small comfort.

If Kouta had surprised Ame with being nothing like the picture she'd received of him, Sadao Ueno surprised her by being even more terrifying. He stood over a foot taller than her, his battle-scarred face stern and unyielding as she bowed before him in the garden.

"Lady Yagami," he said, studying her.

"My lord Ueno, it is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance. My husband tells me you have the most bewitching pond, would you be so kind to show me?"

For a moment, she thought he would refuse, but he nodded. She only gave a demure smile as she walked beside him, leaving Kouta to speak with the other men. As they walked onto the grass, she stumbled slightly and he caught her bare hand. Chakra flowed up into his brain, whispering, S _he's a Leaf Village kunoichi_.

His eyes went wide for a moment before they went back to their indifferent gaze. "My late wife took considerable joy in this place," he said as led her through the gate that led to a large koi pond.

"I can see why, my lord," Ame said with a faint smile. "I am sorry to hear of your wife's passing. You must miss her tremendously."

He studied her, but simply gave a single nod. "That is why it is so important to me that I build a better world for our children and their children, to honor her memory and perhaps to make her smile from the afterlife."

"My parents passed away when I was a small girl," Ame said. "This is how I live my life as well."

Ueno gave her a small bow. "If you will excuse me, Lady Yagami, I believe there is a matter I must attend to before the meeting. Please make yourself at home."

She knew where he was going, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Kakashi step in to answer his questions. Reading his lips, she could see him say, "Shinrinyoku, my lord. I hear her father was a Leaf Village shinobi."

Before Ueno turned back to her, with his darkened expression, she looked back to the pond, but she knew that he had sprung her trap. Everything was falling into place. The hormones she'd rubbed into his palm when they touched allowed her a faint connection to his mind so long as she were near him.

When they all went into the house, Ame excused herself to freshen up and stole away into a spare bedroom. "Are you all set," Kakashi said as he made a clone of himself and then transformed it into Ame.

Ame barely took the time to look at it as she tiptoed up and kissed Kakashi's lips quickly. "If anything happens..."

"Don't," he said firmly. "I won't let anyone hurt you. Ever."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Dressed all in black, one of his masks pulled up over her mouth and nose, she hid in the shadows watching the meeting. Her hand was on the forehead of one of Ueno's male servants as she drained his chakra to manipulate Ueno's thought.  _Suspicion. Paranoia. Hatred._

She watched his cold, black eyes watching Kakashi's clone of her. "Before we get to business, I think we should take a moment to congratulate young Yagami on his recent marriage..." A false smile graced his lips.  _Married to an enemy spy,_  Ame whispered into his mind.

"It is not every day one of our number is able to bed the enemy."

Kouta was to his feet, his hand on the hilt of sword.  _No, please Kakashi stop him from doing something stupid,_  Ame thought to herself. As if he could hear her, Kakashi was at Kouta's side in a moment. "Hear him out," she could hear him saying. "If she truly is the enemy we must know."

"Who was your father?" Ueno almost growled.

"Nichibotsu Shinrinyoku," the transformed clone said softly, her voice full of confusion and a hint of fear. Ame smirked in the shadows, Kakashi was actually pretty good at pretending to be her.

"A Leaf shinobi?!" There was a ripple of whispers through the crowd.

"Her father was an honorable man!" Kouta said.

"There is no honor among ninja!" Ueno spat back as he strode through the crowd to the couple. It happened so quickly that were she not expecting it, it may have surprised her. Kakashi restrained Kouta and Ueno plunged his katana through the clone. Rather than vanishing in a puff of smoke, the clone bled out onto the bamboo floor. There was a chorus of gasps and angry whispers.

Kakashi released Kouta and a split second later and the young man lunged at Ueno. Ame focused as much chakra as she could without killing the servant and used it to seize the muscles around Ueno's heart. The man grasped at his chest, hitting his knees as he gasped for air. A moment later, he fell face first near the clone.

Kouta gently picked up the clone, cradling her lifeless body in his arms as the tears fell onto her face. He rocked gently as he whispered to her before he looked up, his eyes filled with rage. "Is this what you all want!?" he roared. "This woman was good! She was kind and gentle and pure!"

In the shadows, Ame fought to keep her emotions in check.

"She died because Sadao Ueno hated her father's people, the same people he wants us to go to war against! People Ame had had no contact with in almost twenty years!" He raised his blood stained hand up. "This is war! Is this what you want for your wives!? For your children!?" His head fell as his body shook with tears.

In the confusion, Kakashi had snuck away and was at Ame's side. "You should leave," he whispered.

She nodded and with quick hand sign body flickered away. The world zoomed past her as she made her way to the forests, faster than eyes could see. The seeds had been planted. Ueno had been eliminated and in his last, delusional moments, she hoped he had made the taste of uprising a bit more bitter in the mouths of the samurai.

Despite the things she'd carefully placed in Kouta's mind the night before, she had doubted he would have been so eloquent, but he hadn't disappointed. Even though she had planted the thoughts, had known how he would likely respond, there was something heartbreaking about watching his fresh grief. It hurt her more than killing Ueno had.  _How strange,_  she thought to herself as she settled into the branches of a tree near the Yagami's home.  _When I was younger I thought nothing could be worse than taking a life._

 _You did take a life,_  a small voice reminded her.  _Your own._

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Present...

Ame watched as Kouta's fingers ran over the pictures of her. The last of the clone's body was crumbling away. Soon she and Kakashi would be heading back to Kohona. As she watched the ashes caught up on the wind she laced her fingers in with Kakashi's. Ame the nomad was dead. Ame the kunoichi lived on.


	13. Epilogue

Ame skipped towards the training field as the sun was sinking low in the sky. Kakashi was the only member of Team 7 that wasn't covered in sweat and dirt, but she smiled at the faint grin under his mask. "Leave them a little energy, Kakashi," she called out. "You're all invited to supper at our house."

Naruto's eyes grew wide as he stared at the curvy woman before him. Her mouth and nose were covered with a pink mask, and her arms were still red from the thistles she'd tattooed from her hands all the way up her arm to her elbows. "No way, Kakashi-sensei, you have a girlfriend?!"

Sakura's hand hit the back of his head hard. "You don't have to sound so surprised!"

"But, he's... ancient."

Ame gave a snorting laugh as she looked up at Kakashi.

"So dinner at our house?" he whispered to her as the kids bickered.

"I had a little talk with the Lord Third. He agreed it wouldn't be a terrible idea," she said with a smile.

"I like your new ink," he said softly.

"Thanks, someone once told me they suited me better," she said as she took his hand in hers.

"And I hear you talked with Iruka about a teaching position, too," he said as they walked towards home, the trio of kids following behind them. "You don't waste any time, do you?"

"I've wasted enough time living between who I was and who I want to be," she said.

"And who is it you want to be?" Kakashi asked.

"Ame Hatake," she said with a grin that he saw in her eyes. "For the rest of my life."

~~~~~~~~Fin~~~~~~~~~~~


End file.
